Driver vs. Passenger

So, I have been on the drive-thru a lot recently, and I've noticed a lot of little irritating things.

One big thing, ordering from the passenger side of the car, but refusing to speak up so I can hear you.

The speaker is not super-sonic, nor does it act like the 6-million dollar woman's bionic ear. Therefore, I cannot hear everything that everyone says all the time. It's hard enough sometimes taking orders from the driver's seat. Taking them from the passenger seat can be next to impossible. 

Has your driver been struck mute? Can they not speak?

That's really the easiest way to take care of it. You tell the driver what you want, and they can tell us. Lots of customers order this way, and it works, that's why they continue to order that way. And that's why the speaker is on the driver's side. If we wanted the passenger to order, we would put a speaker on that side too.

However, for all you stubborn people out there who want to continue to order from the passenger seat, you need to speak-up. 

This does NOT mean yell at us and speak at a snail's pace. 

We're not numbskulls, you are just extremely far away from the speaker, and more volume means we have a better chance of hearing you. 

Go figure. 

I am NOT a computer tech

I know the aprons make us look like super geniuses (apparently), but believe it or not, they don’t hire us for our computer skills. (Not to mention, if I knew that much about computers, I probably would be able to make a living doing that, not making your latte.)

Now, I am a very intelligent person (if I do say so myself, and I do), a little snarky, excitable, and sometimes ditzy, but intelligent. And, because my dad is a computer guy, I know a little bit about computers (thank you dad). But again, this does not qualify me as some kind of expert. Anything that can’t be fixed by a reboot is a little beyond me.

So, with that explanation…

Yes, we have free WiFi. I can tell you the steps to access the WiFi, and walk you through the process should you get lost.

If your computer can’t find the internet, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how to fix it. Really, I don’t. Maybe your card is not turned on, not plugged in, malfunctioning, etc.

Please do not get angry at me, and for goodness sake, don’t yell at me. I have nothing to do with it, I did not cause the problem, and I cannot fix the problem. Yelling at me will not help.

New Baristas

So, you come into your favorite coffee shop, and there’s a new person behind the counter.

BE NICE TO THEM.

I know it’s easy to think that they are going to screw up your drink, or they won’t deliver it the same way as your favorite barista ________ will.

But, it’s their first day/week/month on the job, and they’re learning. Everyone has to start somewhere right? Even your favorite barista ___________.

Also, your favorite barista probably hasn’t looked at the recipe book in months, if not years. If anything, the new barista’s drink will be perfect, because they have 900 people watching them making sure they do it right.

But most of all, they are probably having a lot thrown at them, and I mean A LOT.

So I’m going to ask again, be nice to them.

No Update This Week

Sorry all, there's probably not going to be an update this week. (I know you're all horribly disappointed.)

A combination of factors has made this a crazy week.

Check back on Monday.

No Foam Lattes

If you don't like foam, order your latte with no foam.

You send our baristas into seizures when you order a light foam latte, and then freak out because there is foam on your drink.

One girl that I work with regularly really freaks out when a certain customer comes through. She spends a good 5 to 10 minutes pulling the foam out of this drink because when the customer orders "light foam" she really means no foam, at all.

One Handed Hand Offs

I work at this job all the time.

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that practice makes perfect, and there are a few things that I can do that I have learned/streamlined while on the job.

One such skill that I think most of us (as baristas) posses is the one-handed hand off.

When passing you your drink in the drive-thru, I can stick your drink, credit card/receipt, and straw in one hand.

Then as I lean out the window, you also try to grab the drink one-handed.

It should not affect your mojo at all if you have to use two hands, only you and I will know. You see, the problem is that when you try to grab whatever I have in my hand one-handed, the drink starts to fumble. Sometimes the lid pops off, and you get upset that there’s latte on your paint job. Or you are shocked when you can’t seem to get a hold on whatever I am trying to hand you.

This is not my fault.

I’m not expecting you all to go out and develop the skill of holding all these things one handed. Just use your brain.

Use two hands.

Then we will avoid all the problems of messes, dropped credit cards, dropped change, etc.

Make sure you pick up your drink from the counter

Here is a conversation between a customer and myself:

 

C: There’s no espresso in this drink.

(I stop making the five drinks in front of me to address this customer’s problem.)

Me: What kind of drink did you have?

C: A medium mocha.

(I look at the cup)

Me: This is a medium chai.

C: Well why did you give me a medium chai?

(I see the name WRITTEN ON THE CUP.)

Me: Are you Roger?

C: No.

Me: Well this is Roger’s chai sir.

C: Why did you give me a chai?

 

This happens a lot, so let me clear something up for all of you.

 

When it is the middle of the rush, the barista making the drinks focuses solely on that, not on keeping track of your beverage. (If we have to keep track of which one is yours, we have to keep track of everyone's. A huge feat considering that at top speeds we can make 50 or so drinks an hour.) Your name is usually written upon the cup, take a look and see if it is still there. Also, we usually call out the name on the cup, and the kind of drink, so if you are listening, you can usually hear which drink is the one you ordered. (This is not to say there are not mistakes made on our part, that drinks always come out in order, and that we always name the cup. But generally speaking, all of the above applies.) 

Jokes

We are not going to give you a shot for free, and we don't have a million dollars to give you.

We also don't have hamburgers, omelettes, pancakes, eggs, sausage, etc. (Would we really be working at this coffee shop if we had a million dollars?) Rest assured, the jokes are funny.

The first time.

You are not the first person to come through and say them. Trust me on this. (The only exception to this is if you know, absolutely know, that the barista helping you is in training, or it's their first day on the job. In this case, joke away. But only in this case.)

Minors and Caffeinated Drinks

Now, I don’t presume to tell you how to raise your children. I have several brothers and sisters, a couple of which I have technically helped raise, and I have worked extensively with the pre-teen age group, but I don’t have children, and so realize that I have very little actual parenting experience to share on the subject.

That being said, are you people crazy??

A woman recently drove through my shop and ordered an Americano. She requested that we add all kinds of sweetener to it. (several sugars and many, many pumps of flavored syrup)

As she came up to the window she apologized for being “such a pain” and adding all the sweeteners. She told me it was for her son, he didn’t like how bitter the espresso was. After glancing through the windows, there was only one person in the car, a small boy, in a car seat, couldn’t have been more than four-years-old.

But hey, maybe her son is at home and she’s taking the coffee to him right?

Wrong.

After I handed her the Americano, she turned right around and handed it to the little kid in the backseat.

Now I trust the majority of parents not to do this, but this is not the first time I have seen a little kid get a coffee beverage, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. (Though usually it’s a Mocha, not an Americano.)

But still, it begs the question, are you nuts??

How Fast Can I Get This Drink?

I’m only going to say this once.

AS FAST AS WE MAKE IT.

That’s as finite a time that I can give you.

It depends on how many drinks are ahead of yours, if we have to special steam your milk (if, for example, you ordered soy milk), how much preparation goes into your drink (quite a bit for some of the blended drinks), etc.

All of these things add time. That’s the way it is. (See also Drinks Take Time)

When you rush into our shop in a whirl, and demand to know how much time it will take for your Mocha (or whatever), you need to know that we will make it as fast as we can, but the drinks aren’t instantaneous. (See Manifesto Point #7 Drinks Take Time.)

We’re not suddenly going to drag our feet to make your latte (oh yeah, let me take forever on THIS drink), and it will be done when it’s done.

End of story.

We Know How to Make the Drinks

Our whole first week of training is how to make your drinks, tasting the drinks to make sure they taste the way they are supposed to, etc. etc. etc. At the end of this week, believe me, we know how to make whatever it is that you are ordering.

Stop back seat barista-ing.

Have you ever actually been behind the bar? Have you ever actually tried to make multiple drinks at one time? Are you absolutely certain that the cup you are looking at in our hand is yours? (Look for upcoming post Make Sure You Pick Up Your Drink)

We know how to read the cups.
We know how to steam the milk.
We know the difference between decaf and regular espresso shots.

You are not somehow smarter than I am, you do not somehow know more than I do. The only people that have the same knowledge are other baristas. (Who, btw, need to shut up just as much as some of the normal customers.)

We Know How to Say Your Drink

For some reason many of you love to say your simple drink as complicated as you possibly can.

The weird thing is that when we say it properly you freak out that we're giving you something weird.

Without going into too much detail about how to order your drink, (Please see the How to Order posts) please trust that we know how to say your drink in the simplest way possible. A large, non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte, - with an extra shot – is much easier said: a triple large skinny latte.

They are one and the same, I swear.

If we hand you something totally wrong, then you may feel free to freak out, but please refrain until then.

Step Four: Modifiers (or Changes to a Standard Drink)

Okay Princesses, now you can tell us all the changes you want made to your latte. Feel free to go nuts.

3 Splendas and cream in your coffee? You got it.
½ the normal amount of syrup? No problem.
5 shots?
1 shot instead of 2?
Breve?
Whole Milk?

Go for it.

However, you all need to stop being so picky about some of these.

¼ of a pump of syrup? Are you kidding me? There is no way to measure that!
½ a sugar packet? Honestly?
Milk at 173 degrees? Is 170 too cold? Do those three degrees matter that much?

I think that some of you need to just learn to sugar/sweeten/flavor your own coffee. We sell the syrups, and you can get sugar/sweeteners in any grocery store.

You should know that when you make requests like these, we do the whole thing anyway, or we don’t do it at all (i.e. When you ask for 3¼ pumps of vanilla syrup. We only add three.)

Usually, you can’t even tell the difference. (We’ve asked!)

Oh yeah, and for those of you that order a cheap drink, and then modify the heck out of it to get a more expensive drink at the cheaper price, you are the biggest princesses of all and make our lives horrible. It would just be easier for you to pay the dollar and have 1 or 2 modifers, than to save your money and potentially get the wrong drink because we can’t remember all the crap you want done to it. (We have a regular who orders a small iced Americano, in a large cup, with 3 pumps of vanilla, 2 pumps of hazelnut, 2 inches of cream, extra ice, and fill the rest with water. Really what she wants is an iced large vanilla latte, with ½ the vanilla, 2 pumps hazelnut, and creme.)

Step Three: Your Actual Drink

This may seem out of order, but it would help us all immensely if, when ordering in drive, you would tell us your drink before telling us all the changes you want made to it.

Some of you have such high-maintenance drinks that by the time you get to what kind of drink it starts as, we’ve forgotten whatever you said at the beginning.

It’s great that you want a large 3 Splenda, ½ the syrup, 1% milk, 4 shot, extra caramel, tan Mocha. Just awesome. But by the time you get to the Mocha, we’ve forgotten the 3 Splenda.

Our computers only allow us to add all of your changes after we punch in what the drink is, that’s why it would be helpful for you to state the drink first, and the changes after.

Step Two: What Size?

This applies to lobby as well, so let me run down a normal order:

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “Double Mocha Latte” or even “Triple Breve” (A triple breve what????)
Me: “What size would you like that today?”
Customer: “A double”
Me: “Yes, but what size?”
Customer: “I said I wanted a double Mocha latte!”
Me: “I understand, but what size?”

This conversation happens far more often than you think. What makes it really funny is when people then have to ask what our sizes are in order to say what size they want.

We’re not going to guess what size you want your drink, please figure it out and tell us.

How to Order Your Drink

I am continually amazed at the number of people who can’t seem to order their drink properly.

Now, I’m not talking about saying it properly. (Though many of you struggle with that as well.) No, I’m talking about how many of you leave out crucial parts of your drink when you order it.

So lets start from the beginning.

This post is part one of what will end up being many posts about how to properly order your drink. The easiest way for the barista to hear it, and the best way for you to actually get the drink that you want.

This all applies primarily in drive-thru where every single addition needs to be entered into the computer. However, most apply to both inside and drive.

Step One: Hot or Iced?

This one is the most irritating to fix (especially in drive), and that is why I’m including it first.

At the very beginning of your order, tell us whether you want the drink hot or cold.

For any drink ordered we automatically make the hot version (assuming there is a hot version). This is the standard for the drink.

We hate trying to hand you your drink and getting the “iced grimace”. This is the face you make when you wanted your drink made the opposite of what we actually made it (usually iced instead of hot, hence the name). Generally accompanied by “ssssss, it was supposed to be iced.” Sometimes we have made a mistake, but normally you forgot to specify.

It takes time to remake your drink, you get upset for having to wait longer (as do all the people behind you), and it wastes all the materials that went into the first one. If you would just specify at the box, life would be easier for everyone.

Drinks Take Time

Manifesto Point #7:

Drinks Take Time

Those customers that come inside aren't so bad at this (though there are some), this is mostly for customers in the drive.

It takes a few moments to make your beverage.

Things aren't just instantaneous. Believe me when I tell you, the drink doesn't appear when you order it. Milk needs to be steamed, espresso shots need to be pulled, flavors need to be added, etc. etc.

The time is compounded when there are multiple people in line. All the people ahead of you are waiting for their drink too, and we can't really make yours before theirs. (You'd be unhappy if we did this to you, why should we do it to them?)

It might shock you to hear, but you are not the most important person in the world, and lots of people come in to get coffee in the morning.

You'll just have to wait your turn.

Please Don't Run Me Over

Manifesto Point #6:

Please Don't Run Me Over

This will perhaps be the shortest explanation of all, since I really don't have anything snarky to say about this.

Don't run us over while we're walking through/taking out the garbage/sweeping/walking past/etc. the drive-thru/parking lot.

I'm fairly certain we're not invisible.

We Aren't Trying to Stalk You

Manifesto Point #5:

We Aren't Trying to Stalk You

This may seem like a weird thing to clarify, but a lot of you flip out when we ask for your name. The amazing thing is that most of you come in to coffee shops all the time, and always get asked for your name, and still freak out every time. For those of you who are regulars, if we haven't hunted you down by now, I'm thinking that it's not going to happen.

We want your name to label your cup. This is only to help us distinguish between drive-thru drinks and inside drinks, AND it helps you distinguish your drink when you go to pick it up. Really, that's all there is to it.

No tricks, nothing creepy, we're just trying to make everyone's lives easier.


If it truly bothers you that much, do what one of my customers did, and "name" your cup as you would a pet. (They chose "Colin McCoffee".)

We are not Stupid, Blind, or Deaf

Manifesto Point #4:

We are not Stupid, Blind, or Deaf

There are multiple situations this applies to.

Yes, I can see (and hear) that you are on your cell phone. Can you see that I am trying to hand you your beverage and hear that I'm trying to ask you if you would like a receipt? It really only needs a moment of your attention.

And just because I repeated your order wrong, does not mean you need to repeat it back louder and slower than before. It doesn't help, it just makes us mad. We're usually trying to do two (or more) things at once, and might have simply been momentarily distracted. Also, the headset equipment isn't always the greatest, and there might have been static that obscured what you said.

Finally, (and this applies to other baristas as well), we WORK here. We KNOW how to make your drink. There is no reason to tell us what the layers are, or how to do anything, because we know. We do this all the time.

There is no "Exact Change" Contest

Manifesto Point #3:

There is no "Exact Change" Contest

By this we mean that you shouldn't stand at the counter (or sit in the drive) for 20 minutes looking for that last penny. It only serves to irritate the baristas, and the people waiting in line behind you. While we appreciate not having to give you change, and we know you want to carry less change around, but it takes up a ton of time. If you've ever been in the drive, seen the barista hand out the drink, and then waited five minutes or longer, chances are the person in front of you is counting out exact change.

You will not win anything, or impress anyone, by paying in exact change. It's nice, but not something to agonize over.

In addition, if you are going to hold everyone up while you search for the last penny, at least be kind to the baristas and give something as a tip. Even if it is only 50 cents. (In reality, it's polite to tip every time. But I suppose this is a post in and of itself.) The baristas now have to deal with all of the angry people behind you, they should at least get something out of it.

Get Off Your Cell Phone!

Manifesto Point #2-c:

Get Off Your Cell Phone!

You have no idea how frustrating this is!

We are trying to take your order and ring you up, and you are distracted by your conversation on the other end of your phone. Then you are angry at us first when we interrupt you to ask about your drink, and then when your drink isn't correct. It's a lose-lose situation for us.

We didn't choose for you to walk into our store while in the middle of a conversation, that was your choice. Which also means that you made the decision for human interaction, not us.


Also, we will not be quiet for you while you sneak through the drive-thru while on a conference call with your boss.


To be absolutely honest, our first thought when you shush us is to shout a whoever is on the phone with you, "He's/She's driving through a coffee shop, can they get you anything?!?" Again I say, it was not our choice for you to drive-thru and get coffee secretly. It is also not our job to make sure your boss never knows that you did it.

If you must come in (or drive-thru) on the phone, at least have the courtesy to ask the other person to hold on a moment, and pull the phone down from your ear. (This ties in closely with treating us like human beings, not drive-thru coffee machines.) I had a customer actually do this the other day, I would have bent over backwards for them.

You see, something simple can go a long way.

We Are Human

Manifesto Point #2-b:

We Are Human!

I know this may come as a shock to most of you (though I'm not sure why), but we are only human.

This means that we are not drive-thru coffee dispensing machines. When we make small talk, it would be nice if you'd answer instead of ignoring us.

We are not contortionists, or related to Mr. Fantastic. When you drive through, pull all the way up to the window, and pull close. Hundreds of other people manage just fine everyday, I'm not sure why some of you just can't get it. We cannot bend out our window, around your windshield, and through your window to hand you your beverage. Would it be really cool? Yeah. Can we do it? Hell no. We also cannot stretch across the entire lane to hand you your coffee. (This is the Mr. Fantastic angle.) The lane is very wide for very wide vehicles. Your little bitty car does not qualify. We shouldn't have to climb out the window.

Of course, if most of you would actually reach out the window for your drink, it just might help. Sticking just your hand out the window does not qualify. If you are all the way across the lane, and you don't reach your arm out the window, don't glare at us if your drink is almost fumbled in passing. We can only reach so far. We are doing everything we can, it wouldn't hurt you to make an effort.

It also means that we do make mistakes, we also have bad days, and we do misunderstand spoken words. (I know you are all perfect and this never happens to you right?) Have a little patience for your fellow man.

Please Listen

Manifesto Point #2-a:

Please Listen.

This applies to all kinds of things.

First, listen to what we say to you as you walk in/drive up. (We're probably asking how you are, don't just launch into your order.)

For example:
"Hi! How are you today?"
"Large coffee, 4 creams, 3 sugars."

This just makes me laugh. How can you be a large coffee with four creams and three sugars? Or a medium latte with vanilla syrup?

Do you realize how silly you sound?

I suppose it applies the most to reading back your order in the drive-thru.

It amazes me how many people will either just stare at us when we read back the order, or confirm the wrong order because (usually) they are on the phone. We are not saying your order for our health. (I mean, I know people who like to hear themselves speak, but I'm sure your latte order is not their speech of choice, and it's not ours either.) Take two seconds, listen to what we are saying, and tell us if we are right or wrong.

Don't be mean about it, just correct us.

Neither of us is happy when you get the wrong drink. Especially if you take a sip, and then have to come inside to correct it.

It's an easy thing to avoid, just open your ears and listen to the words coming out of our mouths.

Be Polite!

Manifesto Point #2:

Be Polite!

That may seem like a "duh" statement, but apparently it needs to be said. As does this:

Most of you have forgotten the manners your parents taught you.

Yes, I said it. When did it become acceptable to:

• tell a complete stranger to shut up? Better still, when did it become acceptable to YELL it at anyone?
• Answer your cell phone in the middle of a conversation?
• Interrupt a conversation between two other people?
• Etc. Etc.

I'm not asking you to devote your life to getting to know all of the baristas at your local coffee shop, but at least treat them like they're human. Basic courtesy will go a long way.

Don't be rude when we ask if you want cream or sugar in your coffee, just say "No, thank you". We can't read your mind, and in reality, we really don't care. We ask to make your coffee perfect for you, not for us.

When we ask how you are, answer us. When we read back your order, at least pretend you are listening. Perhaps most of all, get OFF your cell phone! (All three of these have more in-depth posts to follow.)

Be Happy!

Manifesto point #1:

Be Happy!

I'm sorry if you've had a bad day, or you just "really need" your coffee, but first and foremost, if you can't be happy, be nice.

Some of the baristas started work at 4:45am, and we still manage to be cheerful for you!

We're not asking for the world, but we didn't cause your bad day, please don't take it out on us.

Manifesto Basics

These are just the basics, and just the beginning. Posts will follow with a bit more depth for each.

• Be Happy!
• Be Polite!
• ~ Please listen.
• ~ We are human.
• ~ Get off your cell phone!
  
• There is no "exact change" contest.
• We are not stupid, blind, or deaf.
• We aren't trying to stalk you.
• Please don't run me over.
• Drinks take time.
  

Listen everyone...

We (the baristas) love our jobs. We just feel that maybe people should be made aware of rude you all can be.

Perhaps you are unaware of how you treat us, but I still feel something needs to be said.

For those of you thinking we're a bunch of whiners, and it's just a cup of coffee, how hard could it possibly be? Maybe you should get a weekend job at a high-traffic coffee shop (none of those mom and pop stores) and see how hard it really is. There was a famous sociologist (I need to find her name, I'll let you know) who quit her job and took three separate low-paying jobs to see if the stereotypes that lower-paid workers were lazy and stupid were true. She found that she had never worked as hard in her life. Maybe you'll find the same thing.

For now I'm going to post the start of a "manifesto" of sorts. It's a list of things that we've seen over and over, and our response. Most of it is simple things, I think a lot of people will be surprised.